HEAR ME OUT BEFORE I GET AN #EyeRoll!
Today, let’s TRY a little tenderness! If you’re in a high conflict co-parenting situation, the last thing you may want to do is send niceties to the ONE person who’s mission is to make your life a living hell. I want to nudge you to try something different. Be genuine, but be short. If you’ve not hit the back button by now, this means that you want PEACE and harmony in your situation. Acknowledging it is a start! Keep in mind this piece can also apply to people BioDads and Ex- Husbands as well!
Send BM (Biomom) aka your Ex Wife aka the mother of your kids- a kind word of encouragement. I know there are some that may not be on the best terms, but that does not mean your kids BM is not human. A text or an email would suffice. This platform is about learning empathy for other members in our Blended Family (yes, she is a part of your family). One thing that we all see is that BM’s are vilified, misunderstood, minimized and some are still full of pain and resent. Sometimes she just can’t “Get over it” as easily as we can. While it’s not your job to hold her hand and help her through her pain-ACKNOWLEDGE HER. She has not always been this monster. She was once human.
#Empathy101 #BioMomsWeSeeYou #NoEgoZone #BeVulnerable#LoveConquersAll
I’m gonna make it even easier for you!!! If you’re not a wordsmith, don’t worry! I’ve typed out messages for you, all you have to do is copy and paste. It’s up to you to discern how these messages will be received. I would not advice that you send a kind note on the morning of divorce court! Also, Step parents, tread lightly. Bio’s may not be in a place to receive kind words from you. Again, you know your situation. I don’t.
I know we do not see eye to eye often, but I wanted to acknowledge you and all that you sacrifice while raising our son/daughter/kids. You have him/her/them more than I do, and I know that limits the time that you have for your own goals. I appreciate you and I want you to know that I am willing to do the work in order to be more present and involved. I am sorry for the pain that I caused you and our family. I would like to ease your load and I am willing and able to take our child from ____ to ____. While I know that is not our original court agreement, we can get the paperwork straightened out soon. For now, my concern is making sure our child knows that both his parents are balanced and happy.
Thank you for being a facilitator for the relationship between our child and I. There are so many men that complain that their kid’s mom hinders the relationship they have with their kids. We are all blessed to have such a fair woman.
For HCBM from SM (Stepmom):
As women, you and I have not been able to establish a relationship based on boundaries and respect. While I’d very much like that, I do acknowledge your pain and anger. Please know that, your children are treated with ONLY love when they are in our home. Please know that, when you are ready, I am YOUR ally, not your enemy, not your competitor and certainly not your nemesis. I am open and available.