Sis, May I have a word with you for a second?
There are far too many good men who are fighting to be involved in the life of a child they created only to be constantly turned away by a bio-mom. There is also a statistic of women who are fighting to have their child’s father involved in their lives to no avail. I’m sure those women would give anything to have the father you are pushing away come into their child’s life. I’ve never fully understood where the disconnect between realizing the relationship your child has with their father versus the relationship the father has with the bio-mom came in. I have witnessed so many men be pushed out of their child’s life because the mother hasn’t accepted their change in relationship status. Sis’ the relationship you and dad is over and now a different type of relationship has to be built.
We often give mother’s a pass like, “well, she’s doing this on her own”, “her ENTIRE life has changed and he can do whatever he wants”, “he’s the one who walked out on them” but sis, just because he decided to walk away from a relationship with you, doesn’t mean he doesn’t want a relationship with the child. That logic is self-fulfilling, if you aren’t allowing him to be involved, how does he become involved? How selfish must one be to think because their relationship with the other parent has ended, the relationship with the child should end as well?
Ladies, dads are just as important as mothers. Why would one want to create another statistic in their child, when we should be wanting the best for them? Why would we continue to perpetuate the fatherless child stigma? Statistics show that 57.6% of black children are in homes without their biological fathers. 57.6% that’s more than half of our dads, why would we want to add to that? While 63% of youth suicides come from fatherless homes, 63%! With that being said, just because the father is not in the home does not mean he isn’t involved, but why on Earth would someone want to add to that type of pain.
I can’t imagine how I would’ve realized my worth or gotten through anything had my dad not been so involved in my life. My dad taught me finances, responsibility, stocks and bonds, 401K’s, Roth IRA’s. My dad taught me how to change a tire, the meaning of manual labor, forgiveness, love and acceptance. My father continues to teach me life lessons far into my adult life. I’ve seen a lot of posts that insinuate that a boyfriend, new husband, fiancée can replace the bond a child has with their biological father. Sometimes a Step-Dad does come in and pick up the slack, however that is not an acceptable reason to push away their biological father.
We have to be more involved with saving our dads, they are equally as important as mothers. We have to want to fight for the rights of our fathers, they deserve it. Our children deserve them. Save a dad and save your sanity. Nothing is worse than having a child grow up damaged, broken and confused because they believed their father wanted no parts of their life when in fact, it was you sis’. We have to think outside of ourselves and our feelings and actually put our children first.
I hear so many women saying, “my child is my life, no one comes before my child, my child saved me” etc. but if you took a moment to self-reflect, you would realize you are in fact standing in the way of your child’s best interests. No one else sis, YOU. Not the court system, not the dad, not his new girlfriend/wife/fiancé, not his mom, but YOU. If you are so self-consumed in your feelings, so unwilling to mature and grow because your relationship with the father did not turn out the way you intended; then you will always continue to come in front of your child. Your life will always be more important than your child’s. So, sis why are you pushing the father in your child’s life away?