Surviving The Holidays When You Cannot See Your Kids
by Stephanie Waldon
Dear Alienated Parent,
For most parents, the holidays are a time of joyful celebrations filled with family outings, special meals, and enjoying the simple pleasures that come with togetherness. For others…not so much. There is a unique kind of mourning alienated parents must endure: mourning the loss of children who are still living.
I wouldn’t dare say “I feel your pain” because I’ve never personally experienced the heartache you’re feeling. But I’ve heard the stories – the sorrows – of countless others who, just like you, have been denied access to their children. When an ex/the other parent decides to play judge, jury, and executioner they are strategically creating a malicious divide between you and your child.
When this happens, your child’s other parent is using your child as (very powerful) weapon, equipped with a cruel ability to destroy you. They are taking the unconditional love that you have for your child and they use it as the ammo. Unfortunately, your situation is not unique. So much so that it has been given a name: Parental Alienation.
We can discuss the fact that many doubt the existence of parental alienation. It is very real, but the Family court system is more concerned with counting cases and dollars than focusing on the well-being of the family. You’ve probably been told “just go to court already” or “the judge won’t let them get away with that” or worst of all “you aren’t trying hard enough. “It’s your own fault that you haven’t seen your own child!”
Most parents will never understand the depth of ignorance these statements carry. But I’m not writing this to revisit the nightmare you’ve endured so far. I’m here to tell you one thing – YOU ARE NOT ALONE and you can get through this. MY family is living proof, heck, the founder of Blended and Black is living proof!
There is nothing anyone can do or say to help alleviate that incredibly strong yearning you have to see and love your child. What I can say is that regardless of how bad it seems for you now, your child needs you to keep hope alive. There is always a chance to reunite. It may be soon, it may be in the future, and unfortunately, it may never come. The only way you will find out is by not giving up and continuing to love your child however you can. Some advice I’ve given alienated parents includes keeping a journal. Write to your child about favorite memories and future hopes and aspirations. Write to them about the meal you ate that day or the learning experience you had at work. Write down everything. That journal may be what saves your relationship in the future.
So again, this is merely a message of hope. It’s a simple message really. You are not alone. You are not alone. You are not alone. While it may be difficult to believe that, I assure you that many other men (and women – alienation does not discriminate) are going through the same heart-wrenching journey as you. There are many people out there, like myself, who are aware of the problem and work diligently to bring awareness, provide support, and advocate for a child’s right to be loved by both parents. If you’re feeling hopeless or need a reminder that this is not an impossible battle, reach out to one of us day or night. We are here for you. Here are a few articles that you may reference:
When a Man has to Grieve living Children -Parental Alienation Exposed
Interfering with your child’s relationship with their other parent
When Ex-Wives Become Alienators
What happens when children of DIVORCE grow up
You can get in contact with a Blended and Black ambassador by emailing firstname.lastname@example.org or calling/texting 315-75BLEND / 315-752-5363. You can also reach the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline by calling 1-800-273-8255.
by Stephanie Waldon