By Naja Hall
I normally rest up on Saturday mornings, but this tea is far too juicy not to share! I came across this post in my Facebook news feed and I am not sure what’s more interesting, the scorned wife’s note or the comments section! I was thoroughly entertained by both, and from the comments section, I was able to come up with a response/ rebuttal for each of 7 points in the woman’s oh-so-eloquent note! I hope she (and any other scorned woman will read this). For the life of me, I never understand why these women do not confront the man, but, mehhhh, I guess this is the most passive- aggressive way of not having to admit that you may have been just as $hitty of a wife as your $hitty soon-to-be Ex.
- Actually, 12 years in not a long enough marriage for you to be entitled to life- long Spousal support and those 2 kids will turn 18 one day. So you stand to be “taking all of his money” for a few more years. When the gravy train runs out, what will you do? Have you considered that being a stay-at-home Mom is no longer a part of your journey? This is a lesson to us all ladies, HAVE A NEST EGG! I know you’re mad, but this is a time to get up, get out and do something! It has to be a scary fact to wake up everyday and realize that you’re only eating because a man, let alone, one that you’re no longer with. Oh, and do you realize that no Court in the world would award you ALL of a man’s money. Maybe you’ll get 33%. I’m no math whiz, but that’s not even half…. You do realize he has the other 67% of his income to hire the most expensive attorney and use this post (your violence, undermining and your plans to alienate the kids) against you in Court, right?
- So you’re bragging about destroying clothes? I hope you have limits and do not try to “destroy yourself” in the process. Are you manic, erratic or will you claim that you had an emotional lapse and lost control? Anger management classes might help. In due time, he will buy his own new clothes, he will have new things…and he may likely look up and thank his lucky stars that he’s no longer with your crazy ass. Women often get passes on domestic violence against men, so I’m sure your friends, your mother and PLENTY of Facebook friends not only support, but encourage your behavior.
- So you’re going to let him get supervised visits with the kids as a punishment to the other woman? You’re upset, we get it. But you’re speaking in circles (in your defense, you’re upset). 1st you’d have to prove that the father and the lady are drug users. I must ask, why would you let a drug user around your kid, even in a supervised setting? Why don’t you do what most pissed exes do, ask the man to sign over his parental rights! You won’t do this because you know that above all, this man is a GREAT father, he was just a lousy husband (to you).
- So his junk does not work? While it’s a known fact that most men commit infidelity because of sex. You’ve admitted that your husband could not sexually perform. Many women will actually forgive a man’s sexual indiscretions because they excuse that as just being part of a man’s nature. But you mean to tell me that this guy was out there with a broken jank and still managed to give himself to another woman. I think you’re hurting the most because you know they connected, there may have been feelings, he may not have loved her, but this wasn’t just sex….it was more. That’s the most hurtful part isn’t it?
- Now, I do not think another woman can return a fully capable Adult man back to you. That man has to NEED YOU and WANT YOU. Even if you can manage to run this particular mistress off, who’s to say he will want to come back to you? And trust me, by the time you finish dragging him to court, stalking him, turning his kids against him, exacting your own admitted revenge, playing the long-suffering- chased wife, burning clothes, slashing tires, hitting him….this guy will be so exhausted that practically any woman will be able to make him fall. He will be devastated and exhausted and he’ll be ripe for the taking for the 1st woman that can lay him on her soft bosom, rub his head and bake him a warm apple pie.
- Again, you’re taking your pain out in the wrong way. Mommy taught us not to hit others…..but whatever. This is a highly emotional time, so some behaviors can be excused as crimes of passion. And only time will tell if the man will accept responsibility for his own actions resulting in the demise of his marriage. Most men do. It seems that men are able to be real with themselves, account for their mistakes and chalk it up as a lesson learned. Us women are the ones that feel we need to teach these men lessons. Sweetie, that’s not your job. Your job is to put on your big girl boots, be a single mom and find inner peace. The revenge you’re planning is about to eat you alive. Trust me, I’ve seen it live and in person! Most of the cheering section on Facebook is applauding you for punching him in the eye. I do equate most of those folk to being the ones that watch Empire and idolize, Cookie Lyon.
- And no matter what you do, this man will NOT shrivel up and die! That’s what you want right? You want him to hurt just like he hurt YOU (don’t even try to make this about the kids who you’ve not really mentioned). You’re going to consume yourself with filing injunctions, orders, contempt charges and all of that crap just to keep his head spinning. You do realize this should be the time you’re applying for jobs, working on your resume, seeking therapy for yourself and the poor kids in which you’ll more than likely be the custodial parent. Court dates run out, alimony runs out, child support runs out. Your plan is typical of literally every single vengeful ex-wife or baby mama in the land. You’re not doing anything different than the trailblazers of nasty divorces have done. When asked if they regretted their actions, most woman cannot admit that they feel any regret. They all feel justified. In the end, the man moves on and so do you. This man did not allow your 12 year marriage the dignity of ending amicably (when a heart breaks, it doesn’t break evenly).
I know you’re beyond pissed….but what I see is a woman who is humiliated, scared and confused. I think you still desperately want to be with him. I think you’re willing to work it out, broken jank, black eye, bitemarks and all. But since [he may] already be gone, you have committed yourself to making every moment he is not with you a living hell for him. I am sensing that this is not the 1st time that your husband has stepped out. In fact, you’ve done some dirt of your own. Right?
First, girl STOP. Then, let your pride down! Tell that man you still love and need him. Don’t let your ego cause this rift to be permanent. If he wants to come home, give him an open invitation. Give him a gentle reminder of why you two fell in love in the 1st place. Seek prayer and relationship counseling. If you want him back, just say so. I know every feminist is shrieking in disagreement, but ask yourselves, where are your posse’s husbands? No where to be found right! Pride comes before the fall and boo boo, you still want him! It’s beyond obvious.
Let me paint you a picture: Your Facebook cheering section has convinced you to see this separation and divorce thru, you rape him in court, you turn the kids against him. Great! The next thing you know, you see that he is actually eeking out a happy life. In spite of all of your shenanigans, you see that he is well and you even begin to see the boy you fell in love with 12 years ago reappear. You’re probably probing his social media pages, so you find that he has a new woman. They are happy! His family loves her. She meets your 2 kids and they all look happy. He remarries, has more children and he’s glad to pay you child support, because well, let’s be honest, his kids would be destitute without it. The kids eventually grow up, his current wife and his family and doing just fine…where does that leave you?
Not a pretty picture huh? Girl, get your dumb a$$ off of Facebook and go salvage this mess you two have made! No matter the outcome, you can say that you tried and gave it 1000%! If it does not work out, you two may be able to settle things a bit more amicably than you’re planning. It’s not fair, but it’s already so much easier for men to start new lives. Don’t wear yourself out in this impossible feat of trying to hurt a guy that that doesn’t give two $hit$ about you anymore.
SIDE NOTE: Prayer changes things, so all hope is not lost for your situation. Be be mindful of the facts. For a short time, most men in these situations can be guilted or scared into coming back home for many, many years. They fear the financial ramifications of a divorce and they do not want to be separated from their kids. Be forewarned, guilting and frightening a man into being with you will probably ultimately result on the demise of the relationship. And you end up investing even more time in a dead marriage.
And for some more Saturday debauchery, did you know that you can actually put your very own Home Wrecker on blast!!! Please check out this mess, Homewrecker.com!
Now, if you’re in this situation and you’re even remotely interested in saving your marriage, I encourage you to go see War Room! It’s a powerful film that shows the impenetrable connection between a Wife and God. Tony, Elizabeth and their daughter have a great life. The husband Tony, has become very successful and travels for work. He seemingly hardens into a man that his Wife no longer recognized and becomes impatient and arrogant. He is all set to step outside of his marriage and lay with another woman, but God stepped in! Check out the tailor here! Remember pride comes before the fall and this Wife put it all on God! Whew!
Miss Naja signing out!