How do we forgive the unforgivable? How do we renew a relationship that has been broken beyond repair? You may have heard that forgiveness is not for the offender, but for the offended, and to some degree this is true. It is certainly good for both, but we need to understand that accountability and acceptance after infidelity are paramount in restoration and reconciliation. Now, when I say “restore” and “reconcile,” I do not mean that you are obligated to get back with your estranged spouse. It is certainly your prerogative to do so, or not to. Despite the fate of the relationship, we should make a
To make a long story longer, I went through every avenue of the unfaithful scenario you could imagine, both healthy and unhealthy. My son’s father was unfaithful for years with the same mistress during my pregnancy and for the first year and a half of our son’s life. I knew about all of it; caught them multiple times only to be temporarily appeased by the vicious cycle of the false repentance, false apology, and false restoration. The mistress was also very aware that she was involved with a man living a double life. “Well, you’re dumb for staying with him for so long knowing he was a cheater,” she said. Yeah, maybe I was stupid, but when it came to my child and my family, I was willing to tolerate pure hell for the sake of remaining intact in the eyes of the public.
Finally, after the last mysterious midnight text message from the mistress, complete with overwhelming evidence of no end to their affair in sight, I called it quits. My anger combined with his selfish justifications made for years of custodial battles, and the most destructive interaction our child could witness between his parents. I could blame, nag, criticize, bible thump and preach to my ex for years about how pissed off I was at him and his mistress, who is now his wife.
My actions and emotions became very real to me, when our son, who was now 4 years old began to have night terrors and became very secretive about one side of the family to the other. At no pressure from either of us, our son refused to share what he did while he was with me or at my ex-husband’s home. I could literally see how our decisions and the contempt we
If you have experienced infidelity and you need help with