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What if I told you that all Babymamas are not evil ? While she may be perceived as bitter, angry or spiteful, she really doesn’t mean to be. Now hear me out!
I grew up with a Southern Granny and she had a favorite saying, “pay that no mind”? My Grandmother was trying to communicate that certain things should be excused and overlooked as they are not detrimental. Do you think it’s possible to apply this to Babymama?
I never planned for this!
I can relate to being that “evil babymama”. Throughout the pregnancy, we had our problems, but we eventually found common ground. We were able to resolve our issues and eventually we spent quality time together and we were becoming a family! We were anticipating our son’s birth on September 24th! Our son was born a month premature. Amidst the stress of managing a preemie, my son’s dad left! I was hurt from deception and disappointment. I felt that I had no outlet to express how I was feeling. I had no one to help me get through what I felt. I thought that I had built a solid foundation with my son’s father and when our relationship fell apart, so did I.
You guessed it, I was livid! I was humiliated and feeling a hurt that I would not wish on my worst enemy. I wanted my son’s father to feel a fraction of what I was feeling. I aimed for what I thought would annihilate him. I was committed to attacking his relationship with our son and his finances. My mission was to make him pay…in every way.
Over time, I found that I was only destroying myself. I would awaken from my sleep because I was couldn’t sleep at so angry. I even found comfort in food and I experienced the onset of depression. The saying “hurt people hurt people” was beyond true for me!
I had to make some major changes within myself and I had to face a painful realization. When I looked in the mirror, I no longer recognized myself. The reflection staring back at me was that evil babymama that everyone talks about, and of course the additional 37 pounds she brings with her.
I wanted a change and decided to make one.
So here I am now, free of all anger towards my child’s father. I also had to accept that although my fairy tale family didn’t work out as I wanted, my son deserves to be within the midst of a happy mama and not a mad black woman.
Be excellent at what you’re already good at!
I started to do things like surpass expectations at my job and get offers for promotions. I poured myself into areas of my life that were within my control. I take pride in my work and despite life’s challenges, I was able to do well at work. I even got busy building my own blog and started writing again. When you get busy doing you ladies, you don’t have time to do anything detrimental to anyone else. Find peace! Find yourself and in the process, you find happiness.
Surround yourself with good people
There’s nothing like having people in your life that make it brighter. Being a Single Mom is tough and I certainly could not do it without my support system. Don’t be afraid to ask your tribe for help and relief every once in a while!
Aside from speaking on behalf of Biomoms (BM), I’d also like to encourage all friends not to disown and abandon the Single Mom. It’s one thing to adjust to the transition of bringing a child into this world, but it’s another to adjust to bringing a child into this world to raise on your own. There are many things you can do like keep the baby while she gets some air or takes a nap. Take her for a walk in the park to heal and breathe in God’s air! Love on her!
A word to the Fathers
This is simply my humble opinion, but I encourage you to step back and let allow your child’s mother the time to work through her disappointment and anger. You did have a hand in creating another Single Mom, so you must accept the consequences. She will be mad. And it will be aimed at you. If she is a woman of sound mind, she will ultimately grieve in a reasonable amount of time and get back to being herself. She is hormonal and experiencing an inexplicable sorrow. Joy does come in the morning, hopefully not with a hangover! Walk away, and come back but please if you do nothing else, try and try again. Giving up on her makes it worse. If she curses and burns you with her words, please don’t add more fuel to the fire. In the end, it’s about the child. Let the child bring you peace!
Just as I mentioned in the beginning when grandma says, “pay that no mind”, let BM heal and don’t be quick to take her actions to heart! It’s just like the grieving process, her emotions go through the same thing! With the right kind of support, she will come back because everything in life has a cycle, and BM’s emotional transition is one of them! Some don’t take long and for others, it may take a while, but all she really needs is patience and peace!