At some point in life, you are going to experience unrequited hatred. It can come from an overlooked co-worker, an angry co-parent and even pure strangers. While I do not pretend to be the picture of innocence, I have faced some visceral that I just did not deserve! In the past, I would internalize the negativity cast my way as a slight at my whole being. I would dissect myself in order to make sure that I was not, in fact, worthy of the harshness I felt from a professed foe. I have since learned that humility and meekness is not synonymous for allowing others and their self-hate to have dominion in my space! This love note is for those that have projected and deflected their bullsh*t onto you, me and anyone else!
Sis (or Bro),
You don’t HATE me. I’ve done nothing to deserve that type of emotion from you. Hatred is a strong feeling that should be reserved for Satan, Hitler, Trump, but not me! Your vivid imagination has propelled me among the ranks of the evil-doers of the world! You’re doing the most.
I don’t know you. Nor do I have a desire to consort with you. We’ve had the misfortune of being connected by no choice of our own. You did not choose me, and to be frank, I could do without you. Alas, here we are! While I have chosen to thrive in spite of you, you have resorted to relishing in a state of constant woe.
You don’t hate me though.
You hate yourself. Admit it, you kinda don’t like yourself. Instead of taking a long look in the mirror, it’s easier for you to focus on me. I embody everything that you are not. I do not say this because I am cocky, in fact, I eat a slice of humble pie and wash it down with a shot of humble tea every morning. I say this because anyone that makes a deliberate effort to break another woman/person down and attempt to destroy them is a weak, empty vessel. You once thought to yourself, “Why does she think she’s better than me?” In turn, I would have asked you, “Why do YOU think I’m better than you?” You would not be able to respond with raw transparency, instead you would do what cowards do, you’d lash out and deflect. I feel sad for you. I foresee your life being full of chaos and noise. You only know how to function that way. You have been conditioned to think that happiness is a trick of the enemy used to temporarily disarm you. You have never been allowed to just rest. You’ve always had to be armed and ready to fire.
You must be living in your own personal hell. I feel so sad for you, but I cannot help you.
You are awaiting retribution that will never happen. I stubbed my toe, you called it karma. I had a fender bender, you claimed it was God repaying me for hurting you!
That’s not how any of this works, Sis!
You own arrogance allows you to think that God in all His Might would allow a ripple in the grand design of the Heavens and the Earth to have our paths to cross without there being a pot of gold at the end of this rainbow for both of us. There’s a difference between you and I. I am tasting the rainbow and running toward my reward. You are still sitting under the clouds in a puddle of dampened contempt, getting rained on.
Sis, Get, up! Got get yours, because I’m getting mine!
After all of this, you still can’t really hate ME. You hate what I represent. My existence reminds you the deep hole in your life that you’ve yet to fill. No purse, car, job, man or amount of money can fill that hole. When you project your anger and bitterness onto me, you should realize that you are giving pieces of yourself away….to me. I recycle that sh*t and make it equitable. It’s not instantly good though. When crude oil is pumped from the ground, it is a thick, black sludge. It has to be refined in order to become petroleum. In the same manner, I refine your bad energy and I produce something profitable from it; patience, empathy, compassion, kindness and ultimately LOVE.
I can assure you that your meticulous efforts to try to eat away at me are not only a great waste of your energy, but they fuel me. While I do not take any accountability for your personal setbacks, I recognize that it takes strength to shift the blame from others and own your sh*t. Whether self-inflicted or forced, I am not to blame for your sh*t. That crap was there long before I came into your world and took a seat at the forefront of your thoughts.
Sh*t stinks! I know because I’ve handled my own. It’s not pretty and sometimes it can be downright humiliating, but in the end, you become a new and whole woman.
Your prayers for my failure will go unanswered because I have already petitioned God to destroy the darkness that resides in and around you. Your darkness will fail. I will walk in the light because I am committed to being a light to all that I encounter. May you be blinded with love and overtaken by the warmth of compassion.
If you’re reading this, there is some woman out there that has made you the object of her disdain. I too have been there! As opposed to getting entangled in the web of toxicity, I do not allow other’s and their projected junk, personal prejudices and preconceived notions to burden my life. It wasn’t always this way though! If you need an accountability partner, join my Girl, Bye! Mailing List! It’s poppin!